The title of this post explains it all: I’ve been feeling very sad lately. I never thought I would feel this depressed…I am usually very positive and optimistic, but lately, negative and pessimistic thoughts have been coming and going in waves.
This all started a few months ago when I learned that my mom is sick, and is unlikely to get any better. It is painful to see someone who used to be so healthy, happy and strong be so weak emotionally. Not knowing what will happen scares me…
To cope with my sadness, I have been isolating myself and bottling my unhappiness inside…this may be unhealthy, but it’s the best way I can think of to keep my negative thoughts from poisoning and burdening people around me. Faking a smile when I’m at the verge of tearing up takes skill; I have almost mastered it… I have also become afraid of the silence. (Thank goodness for Pandora & my iPod! —>Tuning out and blasting music on my headphones = my sedative.) It’s difficult to sit still and not think sad thoughts. The workaholic in me comes out when I’m at work, since I try to keep myself occupied with work—shelving books and other various tasks.
Additionally, I have been losing focus on school; even though I am so close to the end, I am no longer as motivated as I was when I started. I’ve been procrastinating way too much… I feel more lost than ever!
I know it’s all about perspective and how I see things, but it’s just so hard to think positively nowadays. The idealist/ wishful thinker in me believes that I will be happy again. I believe that I will find happiness again…it will just take some time. :)
Something fun I made after browsing online for glasses.